How to ride a bike with no handlebars.

You've heard that Flobots song, Handlebars. "I can ride my bike with no handlebars, no handlebars, no handlebars." Here is a revelation about that lyric: They're talking about not using the handlebars on a regular ol' bicycle, not riding a unicycle that doesn't come with handlebars in the first place. This is firsthand experience talking, and this firsthand experience is going to tell you:

How to ride a bike with no handlebars.

What you'll need.

• A bike, one with handlebars for which you will ride without.
• An incredible sense of balance (harder for ladies to acquire, but it's doable. Example: the editor)
• Plenty of road, wide and without much traffic

What to do.

1. Wear a helmet. Chances are, you're going to bust it.
   
2. Get used to biking around with handlebars. You need to know what normal feels like, and what you're missing when you let go of them.
   
3. Build up some speed. The slower you go, the less balance you have.
4. Lean back. Make sure your weight is balanced over the seat.
5. Put one hand down by your side, pedaling with the other hand still on the handlebars. Imagine what it's going to feel like without that one hand.
6. Keep pedaling evenly. Again, keep pedaling. Evenly.
7. Carefully, take your remaining hand off the handlebars and put it down at your side, just like the other one.
8. Think balanced thoughts.
9. If you start to lose it, TAKE BACK THE WHEEL. I mean, HANDLEBARS.
10. Look awesome and impress passers-by with your skills.

Once you master no-hands riding in a straight line, experts can put their lives on the line by trying to take corners or putting their hands in their jacket pockets to keep them toasty. The latter option is especially useful in the fall, but not in the winter. Winter brings ice, and bikes and ice should not be mixed together. Do not bike on ice.

Next feat to tackle: keeping rhythm with no metronome, I guess.